Tribute to Henny Youngman – King of the One-Liners

Hotel Jokes . I asked, “What do you want?” He said, “A match” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.”

Homeless Guys Jokes

Drunk Jokes

The hotel I’m in has a lovely closet. I don’t mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, “Which way do I go?” But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race .

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt.

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked. The horse turns around and says “Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!”

Farrah’s dressing room was next to mine.

A bum asked me, “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked, “When’s payday?” He said, “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. I let her look. 10% sex, 90% guilt.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

Hollywood Jokes

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. .

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

I don’t mind when my horse is left at the post. Just then, two ants climbed on the ball saying, “Let’s get up here fast before we get killed!”

I’m now making a Jewish porno film.

A drunk was in front of a judge. I lost 100 pounds!”

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I was playing golf. The drunk says, “Huh. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. Hollywood called me, asking me, “How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?” I said, “$50,000.” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I said, “I’ll pay it!”

Another bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same!”

I was walking down the street, and I found a man’s hand in my pocket. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. . There was a little hole in the wall. It’s a little inconvenient; they’re in two separate buildings!

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60.

A bum came up to me saying, “I haven’t eaten in two days!” I said, “You should force yourself!”

My horse’s jockey was hitting the horse. A nail

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